End the Week with a Lawsuit, End the World with the LHC.

Against CERN, that is. According to World Radio Switzerland and The Science of Conundrums, on August 26th, 2008 a group of mostly Swiss, German, and Austrian professors and scientists filed a lawsuit against CERN’s Large Hadron Collider (LHC) in the European Court of Human Rights in Strasbourg. The group argues that the LHC poses a serious threat to the safety of surrounding European Union countries.

I’m not going to delve into the whole miasma of controversy surrounding LHC. But, I will (cheerfully!) describe those darned global-catastrophe-causing micro black holes. Intended to lightheartedly mock, not scare.

Micro black holes
are tiny versions of black holes, extremely dense regions of collapsed or dead stars, with enormously strong amounts of gravity that not even light can escape from. Scientists believe they reside all over the galaxy, but are impossible to find due to their small size. These little babies can be made by smashing subatomic particles together with extreme force. You would of course need a powerful particle accelerator to do this (like, say the LHC maybe?). The micro black hole created would be minuscule, barely existing and so hot it would evaporate quicker than the blink of an eye.

UNLESS: the LHC makes another micro black hole that isn’t quite so hot and remains stable, and another, and another and another and another (you get the idea). So now there’s a rowdy crowd of young micro black holes, hanging around the LHC, full of angst. Because they are so incredibly small they can seep through stuff, walls, solid ground, etc without anyone noticing. This crowd of micro black holes would eventually trail completely out of the LHC and head (very, very slowly) down, pulled by gravity to the center of the earth.

Any particles that happen to cross the path of traveling black holes will be sucked in by their gravity, making them heavier and stronger. More and more matter will be pulled in. Finally, the micro black holes will be big enough to merge together, forming even larger holes whose inescapable gravity will swallow up the Earth. Nowhere to run, nowhere to hide…

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